You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
