Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she peed on how many people?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
