As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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