my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
