I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
