You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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