Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize