The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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