Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
