ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
