where am i from again
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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