I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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