Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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