I think I am morally bankrupt
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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