OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
