Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
