nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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