My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
