I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
