Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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