you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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