apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
