just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
honey bunches of taint.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
