P.S. I can't hear my feet
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
