I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
