Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
