Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
