I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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