margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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