Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
