i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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