I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
