so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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