I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
