I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
