You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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