I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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