What did we do last night that was yellow?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
im six kinds of drunk right now
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
