I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
