I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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