I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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