just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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