It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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