I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
