Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
