She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
