Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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