She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
