You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
