Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
