The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
