Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize