I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
