This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
how drunk are you?
Several
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
