allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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