He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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