There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize