WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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