you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
