i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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