I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
