i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
