I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
