Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
