He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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