And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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