he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so let's talk penis.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
