and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
