thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
