He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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