Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
