Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
