Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
