A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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