My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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