My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize