great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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