Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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