did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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