Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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